Hate how positive & fake-feeling the self-help genre can seem?
Then read this longer New Yorker article: Improving Ourselves to Death by Alexandra Schwartz. It’s an impressive survey & criticism.
Self-help advice reflects the beliefs and priorities of the era that spawned it.
In the January 15, 2018 issue, it’s fitting for those who ponder New Year’s Resolutions, which she addresses, and then she covers:
- The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg
- SuperBetter, by Jane McGonigal
- Grit: the Power of Passion and Perseverance, by Angela Duckworth
- Smarter Better Faster, by Charles Duhigg
- The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne
- Desperately Seeking Self-Improvement: A Year Inside the Optimization Movement, by Carl Cederström and André Spicer
- The Wellness Syndrome, by Carl Cederström and André Spicer
- Tools of Titans: The Tactics, Routines, and Habits of Billionaires, Icons, and World-Class Performers, by Tim Ferriss
- Selfie: How We Became So Self-Obsessed and What It’s Doing to Us, by Will Storr
- You Do You: How to Be Who You Are and Use What You’ve Got to Get What You Want, by Sarah Knight (my blog post on her TED Talk)
- Stand Firm: Resisting the Self-Improvement Craze, by Svend Brinkmann
Ending with Stoicism, this reminds me of my buddy Jesse, and what’s surely his addition to the above:
- The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking, by Oliver Burkeman
So what’s the answer?
There’s a lot of different ones in the article. I’m currently looking into Stoicism.
It’s 5am. It is OK to hate reality. You know you want to. Go ahead. I grant thee permission.
Oh, you’re right: the other half of the blog post title represents a more stoic and less detached approach to life, and while, on a good day, y’might resolve to this state, you’re likely to have an initial set of cortisol-driven, fear-based reactions.
And I say: embrace it …for a bit …because you’re human and this is part of the experience …and you only live twice. (#YOLT)
This isn’t a post about how an emotionally mature way to handle change we don’t at first like is to recall Bill Belichick’s, “it is what it is”.
This isn’t a post about how it is more spiritually sustainable to remove outcome from life events, and to go with the flow.
This isn’t even a post about allowing yourself to feel emotions (even though that’s how I’m starting all this).
It is about how the title is “Reality Now Sucks, AND is also Just Different”, and not “Reality Now Sucks, BUT is also Just Different”. Continue reading
What’s the worst place to have an epiphany about your whole approach to life being wrong?
At work. In a meeting. Run by you. About your approach to life.
“Why Agile?” was the topic of our bi-weekly Agile Guild gathering: when to ‘use it’ and when not to ‘use it’. Answer: When tasks are complex, not simple. What’s another way of thinking about complexity? There’s high discoverability & low predictability. I just saved you the bulk of an hour-long discussion. You’re welcome.
No mind-blowing epiphanies yet. So far, we gucci.
All of a sudden, fellow Scrum Master Stephen busted out a cautionary quote about ‘using Agile’, a version of which I like is:
If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. – Abraham Maslow
Well, in Asheville they say – that the Merrill’s small head grew three sizes that day. (And then – the true meaning of Agile came through, and the Merrill found the strength of ten
Grinches Merrills, plus two!)
Mind equalled blown. Doesn’t often happen. Continue reading
I’m pretty useless after the dance party.
After dinner, the table mostly put away, and our daughter’s toys mostly… not put away (yet), the CD player goes on, and the dance party begins.
Matt Heaton steps the tiny masses through basic behavioural norms like stopping and going. Then there’s a Wombat Dance. (We have a 2-year-old, so this all makes sense.) Before Matt, but still in popular rotation, we had Karen K and the Jitterbugs, wherein you, too, may want to be a Jitterbug, or have Pancakes for Dinner.
At some parentally appointed point, the music stops.
At some later painfully negotiated point, toys are put away.
At some even later peacefully navigated point, our daughter is in bed.
At this point, I’m pretty useless.
There’s 1-2 hours left in regulation time before the daily game is over, and I’m not really in the mood for anything creative or productive. Personal growth-related activities? Pfft, grrrl, please.
So what’s a citizen to do? Continue reading
Ever wanted to be a mad scientist? As a Biomedical Engineer, my version of this involved lab coats, organs, and Southern accents.
If you drive North from Boston on I-95, before you get to New Hampshire, you’ll see on your right an Alfalfa farm. You’ll know because it is written out in what should be wrought iron.
If you take a Systems Physiology class in college, you’ll learn how the kidney’s mostly passive filtration system is truly magical. You’ll know because your kidneys will vibrate warmly. Giving you a hug. From the inside.
If you put those 2 together, you logically derive the motivation for studying Tissue Engineering in grad school: the commercial for Merrill’s Kidney Farm.
Picture folks in thick-rimmed glasses, wearing overalls, and white lab coats. Cue that Southern accent… Continue reading